“Second hand books are wild books, homeless books; they have come together in vast flocks of variegated feather, and have a charm which the domesticated volumes of the library lack.”—Virginia Woolf (via seabois)
I looked for an opening to the branches that trapped me in, the once illuminating sun now weary cast behind the heart of the forest, the green masquerading in the filth of the mud. The sounding of my heartbeat pulsated in my ears allowing the temporary adrenaline to run through my veins. So, I let myself get lost into the arms of the earth, no precautions or rationing. I breathed in air and felt the welts of water rush down the crevice of my face and onto my worn shirt. Often we get too carried away with society that we forget to feel, and here? I felt every wave of emotion suck onto me like a hungry mosquito on the conquest for food. All to find that like a bite to vulnerable skin, it will bruise. I closed my eyes and led myself blind, like the way my heart had over my mind these days. I felt the path and the trees guiding me into something, somewhere greater than darkness. I lost myself in the mecca of it all—come find me. I followed the shadow amidst the figure because sometimes the only person you can trust is yourself. Kill surprise and be in the woods on your own, from the size of your eyes I wouldn’t trust a tone. You’re alight, and with that you won’t be alone. Realigned, you were beauty without a home.
I took a three hour nap, woke up on several accounts, but still could not stop dreaming of him. It was like a story, starting with the prologue heeding into the exposition, then of course the climax and to the falling action, but no resolution. I woke up too soon. Everything became so vivid and all too real for me to be dreaming that maybe that’s just my running subconscious telling me what I should do next, follow through and resolute these dreams in reality. Last night we got closer, body to body, but still far enough to let the innocence guide us. “Where do we stand?” he typed on my iPhone notepad while I closed my eyes—stand? I’m falling. I don’t know where this will go nor will it be like the last but I’m perfectly content moving at a snail’s pace to get to where we will be soon. It was completely dark and nearly 3AM. We had finished watching It’s Kind of a Funny Story for my third time, and his for the first. We laid on our stomachs and made fort ground, lights completely off and pillows to bolster us up. I watched him fall into a pattern of slow rhythmic breathing followed by intense sincerity for the movie was like his old life. He not so subtly flirted with me by my comment on an ant walking across the computer screen (pirated movie, of course). Afterwards, things got heavy and light and it was a juxtaposition for comfortability, like it should be, and fear for the unknown.
I don’t recall mentioning this but I got a second job at an air conditioning and heating company/office, so I’m paper chasing from 9-5. My student I’ve been close friends with and teach at my other job, Kumon, referred me to her parents and I started on Tuesday. On Wednesdays, since I have to resume both jobs, I work from 8-8, just swell. Anyways, the office life is pretty hectic, but I manage and learned a lot quickly. It’s pretty strenuous, as well, and today for example made me ache all over. I’ll be making bank which is fantastic considering just a few weeks ago I was at $0.96 in my checking account and $5.00 in my savings. I apologize for those die hard followers who are used to me writing and posting daily. I should start a queue or something, perhaps when I get the time I’ll dabble with it. For now, just stay sane and hope your summer is going dandy. I’ll be an official Workaholic once I get my check, pay off the debt that I owe for this iPhone, and can finally buy food outside once again.
“I couldn’t convince you that the blue you see is the same blue that I see. But maybe that’s how lovers know they’re meant to love; they see the same blue. And they both know it.”—Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You (via talisman)
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads. Or better yet, date a girl who writes.
I'll choose to stay anon just for now. I am 5'8" and at my highest I was 270 lbs. I've lost over a hundred pounds in the past two years. So, I understand the struggles of weight more than you probably do. For so long I thought I had to look like all those beautiful woman in the media or just a beautiful skinny woman I saw on the street. I would lie awake at night thinking about it. I would get butterflies thinking one day I could look like that. One day I epiphany and realized what would be the?
Fair enough. I think anyone whose dealt with a weight issue takes it at their own pace and it’s always going to be a battle against yourself, but I won’t disagree with you because I’ve felt the way you’ve felt for so long. I’ve done the gym deal for a while, joined Lacrosse last year, and have done various other activities that have piqued my interest, as well as maintain a healthy diet atop that. I wouldn’t want to damage my body nor would I want to put myself in a position where it would cause others grief. I just want something that I’m so close to having and this gradual achievement is coming in time with dedication and work. I wish I had that love you continue to have for yourself and that in itself is something I try to work on daily. I haven’t managed loving my internal self entirely just yet, but that comes with past relationships and emotional strife..one day though, I hope I love the girl I see in the mirror. Thank you for giving me some insight tonight and sharing your story. I hope we can work on this together and know to overcome the struggle in an entirely healthy way.