this is the world we’ve set out to be, technologically advanced, politically ambitious, this fast track to an escape has become so vicious. You wonder why children leave the womb at such a young age then you question why they self-intoxicate, more so self-medicate, in these toxins that seep through the brain, no wonder they label us morally insane. You see? You don’t know what goes on, the world has become so bitter it’s hard to move on, from heartbreaks, from deaths, from people who come and go, it’s a cycle that no one really knows. Look at us, we’re all corrupt, who robbed the innocence we were conceived from? No one knows the value of gratitude instead we lift our heads and act with attitude. It’s a shame really, to see what we’ve become when all we needed was a little faith from God above.
I love being able to think in silence It’s hard for me to be around people for too long I start to feel restless and worn out I can’t do parties, mostly because I’ve never been the outgoing, loud, and popular girl I’m usually the one standing off to the side trying to look busy But, I’m usually…
I'm just interested, how does that botheryou in what way? if it doesnt bother you when I ask, sorry
No it doesn’t bother me at all, erm basically if you read back I’ve been dealing with weight my whole life. I just recently hit a good spot to where I want to be and now i’ve let myself go a bit and I’m just scared to gain weight again. Who are you anyways? I would love to talk to you outside my ask box. ^^
I love you all, tumblr followers. It’s been a journey with me, eh? I do sincerly apologize I haven’t kept up with this blog, i’ve been out doing things, seeing things, wherever life has taken me. On the upside it’s almost February (where has the time gone?!). School is nearly half way over and I’m closer to Summer<3 I used to hate summer to be honest, but after last summer i’ve appreciated the elongated sunsets, the warmth against my skin, wearing no makeup and letting my hair loose. I seriously reflect on those days and I miss it dearly. Well, while it’s still winter..the snow looks gorgeous against the trees, that smell of smokey firewood that lingers through the night, and the silence of it all. That’s beauty in itself. I can’t take these little things for granted anymore, this is life and we are who we are. It’s funny how writing this just made me feel a whole lot better about myself. <3 Hope you all are doing well~
with the exception of Monday to take exams, regardless, I left school around 11 anyways. I’ve practically done nothing this whole ‘break’, I need to go do something before I drive myself insane. Perhaps a nice shower will do, then I’ll walk my dog in this foot of snow, then maybe work out in my garage. For right now I just hate food, I can’t believe how worked up i’m getting over this. My parents on the other hand have been acting really different towards me lately and I’m not understanding where this is coming from. I get constantly yelled at to come home by my mom when i’m out with friends because all she cares about is our dog getting walked. It always has to be my dog, I’m starting to think my mom cares about her more than she cares about me. I’m just so drained, sleeping in the afternoon, awake at night, screw this.
I don’t think I’m ever bored when I’m hanging with him, he’s too funny for awkward silences, hehe. Well, it was a legit bumsesh which we’ve been planning for forever and something I deeply needed. So today in a glimpse:
-Chill in his room and play games on his Game Boy Color (yes, be jealous.) -We created pizzas on the Domino’s website for a good 30 minutes then finally ordered -Went to a pizza haven and chowed down while watching X-Men 3 -Opened his brand new Sublime record that I bought him for his birthday and listened to it in his basement -Walked our doggies -Go back to my place to watch Transformers while I passed out on the couch only to wake up to him messing around with me -_____- -Back to his place for ice cream and went on Stumbleupon for a few good hours, changed my facebook language to Pirate (ARRG!) and drank delicious cranberry juice! -BUM till I had to go home
best friend love. <3 Oh! A new discovery! He is finally taller than me now. What is this tom-foolery?!
My room smells like ketchup from the BK meal my sister just had, the tomato aroma brought me back to time way back in the day. My second grade teacher would dedicate a short part of our class day to “Ketchup” (on our work), which means “catch-up”. Wow, memories.
Anyways, I’m off to le chez de Daniel pour le pizza! Yiumyium. Be back at sundown~
That’s quite remarkable compared to just few months ago I could barely do 15. I don’t know just yet, I’m ready to take it to the next level. I feel like a letdown after not going to the gym today with my brother, but these exams, they’ve got me whipped! That really shouldn’t be an excuse though, I’ve strived for this body image since I was thirteen, two years later and I’m not there yet? That’s what’s bumming me out. I always scroll my dashboard for a little thinspo that spite my size 5 image, I could go a little smaller, reach a little higher, try a little harder. It’s just so hard when everyone is on my back about things..patience. That’s all I’ve ever known.
I’ve decided to change my theme into something more bland and articulate to compliment my lifestyle, color is something our eyes yearn for yet we live in this black and white world. I started this blog as something to vent to or simply express my thoughts; I’m going to continue that but i’ll add more meaning behind my posts now. I’ve looked back at my old posts from time and time and I laugh, simply because I was so different just a few months ago. I wasn’t confident in MYself, I relied on the pity from others and material objects to fill my whole. Now? I feel complete. I want to be serious about the things that are happening in my life and even you tumblr, my confidant, have yet to experience what I’ve been through. I’ve got the good and the bad in my life right now and I’m just breezing with the flow ‘til I get where I want to be. Atleast I’m glad to say this is the most content I’ve been with myself and relationships with family and friends in a long time, hooray! The more I’m aware with what goes on in society the more I apply that in myself and transform into this cautious yet adventerous new persona, I’m enjoying what I intake, life is beautiful. You are beautiful, never forget that. There are those days where I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom and everything seems to stop revolving but I keep my chin up and smile because that’s the gift I’ve been granted so I’ll appreciate what I’ve got and bare with it. ~and for the moment, everything is still, we are a composition on this canvas of Life.~
I’m currently studying for the two hardest exams I have tomorrow, beloved biology and glorious geometry. I keep glancing at the clock to keep myself in check but it seems as if time is going by so slow. Not to mention work felt like an eternity tonight, I was so thirsty i think I got lightheaded a few times around, haha. Anyways, to those who are taking exams this week, good luck to you! I already passed my history and art exams and I’m shooting down these bad boys as best as I can. Let’s just get this week over with and resume to reality, shall we?
On another note..I’m missing my friend time. I really have drifted from some of my bestfriends and it’s so sad to turn them down after they ask to hang multiple times. I need to work on my balance, my social flow. School, gym, work, church, piano/guitar lessons, where do you fit in?
So in the midst of this beautiful Sunday morning through church and all, I’ve managed to already become upset over something stupid. My parents grounded me for something a bit out of hand but I’ll take it, I guess. Now that everyone is out eating lunch and I’m just sitting here alone, I think i’ll just shut off everything. Later tumblr.
are some new Toms! I’m thinking the brown high top chukkas but the website is out of my size! Gerrr, my white canvas Toms seem to be MIA at the moment which concerns me but it’s winter time and I won’t be wearing them anytime soon. Hopefully, I can go to the mall soon to see if Nordstrom has any racked up, this would make me one very, very happy camper!