Rather lonely tonight, I usually feel this way once the day winds down but tonight I just feel so empty. I need someone to fill me up with that radiant glow again, it’s been awhile. I miss having to text someone goodmorning and goodnight. I miss the warmth of a simple hug the embrace that made me whole. A simple kiss to secure the promises between our love. The smiles and nervousness by exchanging glances. Simple stuff like that. I just miss sharing this with someone and I can’t help but cringe everytime I see a couple in the store, or school just because they are so happy and I know I am too just not sharing it with someone. Do you feel the same? I don’t want to be alone, it’s the worse feeling. I know I should wait for the right person and people have told me in the past but i’m just tired of waiting, I’m young yes, but if i’m not sure of my life I want to be sure about my love.
Today has been just an off day. Let me start with this morning, it was raining really hard and there was a flash flood warning that everyone disregarded. So I got a little wet no big deal. Then I got to school and the power went out for 3 hours or so, again no big deal. Once it came back on everyone was gloomy and we proceeded to learn. I guess you can say my day was average, but I’m very annoyed with something…cocky arrogant stoners. Yes, my friends. Everyone tokes it up like it’s a trend and that bothers me soo much! There’s a difference between being a proud stoner and a cocky stoner, and my girl best friend who JUST started smoking is acting like she’s fuckin Marley or some shit. I like weed kay? But I don’t go off acting high for no reason, asking people loud and obnoxiously where the stash is at, and I just don’t make it a big deal in general. I’m sorry Im ranting I know but one of you must agree with me! It doesn’t help my friend is getting some good stuff this week and there’s a huge party I’m invited to next weekend, more opportunity for cocky business. To me? I look at it like this, act classy and respect. End of rant.
This one is hard to think of only because i’ve gone through so much in so little time and I simply can’t choose which ones have impacted me the most, may it be physically or mentally. Well, here it goes.
1. The one on the top of my head is when me and Danny first met, he is my best friend in the entire universe! Basically he moved down the street from me and I was thinking to myself “what a scrawny little boy, I’m sure he’s just a nobody.” boy was I wrong, he turned heads once he came into the 6th grade. He has ADHD so of course everyone instantly loved him for his personality, something I too fell in love with. We’ve gone through a lot, between him liking me, sharing munchies, going to Kings Dominion, hanging out in his room all summer, walking to the shopping center, and pretty much just anything. I love that kid so much my heart has his name engraved in mine. I hope we remain friends forever because he is my other half<3 the yin to my yang.
2. This one can be interpreted as good or bad, I guess that’s what love is. Something I can’t forget is falling in love with SML my first love and ultimately my first everything. There’s a lot of frustration pent up in me whenver I see him or hear his name but then I just let out a big sigh knowing that he created who I am today and if I wasn’t the same person, I would be just as vulnerable to anything. I was young, maybe 13 and he was 16..right off the bat you can tell this wasn’t going to be good. So of course I was young and naive and believed in doing what he wanted would make me the best gf, I was wrong. A lot of stuff happened in the 3-4 months we dated and once we officially called it off both of us still lingered onto each other for about two years, although he still likes me to this day. He’s played around girls but apparently i’m his favorite, don’t know whether to believe that or not. Anyways, just talking about him is giving me a headache. End this memory.
3. Okay so this is a bit more uplifting, and this person has a tumblr so I won’t mention his name. What we had was really special, it wasn’t like any other boyfriends I’ve had in the past and to be blunt we weren’t even going out. I guess you can call it a fling but it was more than that to me. He was just amazing, he taught my heart a sense I never knew I had, he helped me off the ground in the pit I was in and meeting him was probably one of the highlights of my life. He may not feel the same way now but that’s okay because to me it really changed me as a person. Along with meeting this person, we had a very special moment on a ferris wheel, it was a kiss but not only just a kiss but all those little butterflies coming out of it’s cocoons. I’ve never been so thrilled in my life. I’m happy for that memory, it’s filed away neatly inside my head for me to look back on when I’m feeling down. I really miss those times.
4. My first time smoking weed. This one gets me everytime because it was with the wrong people at the wrong time, again I was vulnerable. I don’t want to go too much into detail because I think I talked about this a while ago on my tumblr but basically I was just plain stupid. I didn’t even know the guy, in a sense I did but what does words on a screen give you? I was literally burnt out and taken advantage of but luckily the guy had respect enough to keep his hands on top of my clothes. I don’t recall a lot of details that day but I feel so guilty to this day, I lied to my parents who didn’t even know where I was, I hopped into a strangers car, and my best friend gave me a hug right before I left and told me to be careful. The look in his eyes were dissapointed and I feel like I let him down on a whole new level. I was so buzzed I didn’t even know where I was or what was going on. I hope to never hit that level of high again.
So there are a lot of memories that I have and some are meant to be personal but I hope you get a brief idea of what goes on in my head from time to time. I have a lot more happier memories, mind you, i just like to keep those to myself. If you read this..then damn you’re a trooper!
I want you to know me, and by that I mean all of me. The same goes for you and I promise I won’t judge. I want everyday of us to be an adventure, exploring the depths of each other. I promise to love you with every fiber in me. I want us to have fights and make up because i’m learning no relationship is perfect. I want us to laugh until we cant breathe. I want us to be so comfortable with each other that it’s okay to make mistakes every once in awhile. I want to wake up with a purpose in the morning to know that I can spend my days with you. I hope you like to cuddle because I’m cuddle bear ^-^ I want to stop making lists of what I want because I want you, not even words can prove how much you will soon impact my life.
Almbling Alp- Yeasayer Cosmic Love- Florence and the Machine Chin Up- Copeland Let’s Get Fucked up and Die- Motion City Soundtrack The Girl- City and Colour I Will Follow You Into the Dark- Death Cab for Cutie
I just want to jump around and smile til my cheeks go numb, i’m acting like a little 1st grader who gets giddy over a new box of crayons! I know I shouldn’t feel this way but i’ve never been able to get this happy so instantly in months, he just knows what to say i guess:) Of course what happens between us will NEVER become reality because he’s so far away but we still cling on to memories and we only hope to see each other soon. When he visited 2 years ago we both still looked geeky, still believed in words over feelings and the situation wasn’t what we both hoped for. I remember at my party you were sitting on my couch and I so badly wanted to talk to you but there were so many people around I choked up. At the mall there had to be atleast 20 old friends that wanted to catch up with you and I was just in the crowd, I remember thinking to myself “this might be the last time i’ll see you.” and it just might be so, but I hope you come visit soon. I miss you.
So this boy Tyler, yeah he’s pretty much AWESOME. He’s really nice and loves to talk and always follows back, he’s new to tumblr so everyone should welcome him. Oh did I mention he’s a major cutie?! (:
idk thats just so random… me and her boyfriend have been xbox live friends forever lol, and iv played with kelsey on xbox before to… idk its just sso random that i met sum1 who knows her to D: shows you how small the world really is :P
The world is small! And i feel so bad you don’t have internet now D: we are texting about this and i’m guilty. Grrawrrr. :/
Today the weather calls for rainy skies and cloudy days, but that’s okay cause I’m in a great mood! I only got 4 hours of sleep last night so I’m going to be drinking lots of iced coffee. I’m getting ready for picture day and my moms gonna do my hair in a few. Thanks for all the new followers! Each and every one of you are unique and that’s what I like. Last night I met someone who I had no idea knew a friend of mine, shows you how small or world is :) well I’m off till later! Have a wonderful day.